He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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