i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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