This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
