Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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