Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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