Hey man sorry I got all grabby
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
