from now on my penis is your penis
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
