I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just invented taco cereal.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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