I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
