Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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