STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
