we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize