Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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