she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
