haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
