shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
