i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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