I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
