I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
