I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
