how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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