Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
