Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
