Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
