I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
