could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
