if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
