WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
