i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
