you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
