Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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