And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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