Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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