I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
