Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
