One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
