I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
