If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
