I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's official drugs can't kill me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
