when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
