pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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