I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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