when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
