can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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