I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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