Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
