This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
