FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
