A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
