I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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