Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
