Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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