I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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