I just saw a hot homeless man
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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