he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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