I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
