hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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