No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
