here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
