he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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