I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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