I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
