I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh god it's open bar.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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