fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
