Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
