Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
