proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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