I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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