My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She said her name was "party"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
