just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
