i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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