Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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