I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
