i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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