you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
