My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
