i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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