I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
